TRQ gets an interesting mention…

One thing I’ve noticed that people have in common who berate themselves for being unsuccessful is that they don’t take action.  It seems to me that they’re waiting until they want to do something about it before they take that action, but because they feel that everything is futile, they know that they’re never going to want to take action towards a better life because it means that they would have to have a certain degree of faith in a positive outcome before they even bothered trying.

It came to my attention that someone had posted a short mention of my book on a website called http://www.imatotalloser.com/.  I had never heard of this site before and I read through it.  If you haven’t been there, trust me it’s an eye-opener.

It’s a very simple website, not choked up with ads or anything.  It’s basically a blog site where anyone can vent their troubles to the world at large.  If you feel that nothing is working, you go to imatotalloser and share your story.

The post that TRQ was mentioned in was several months ago. If you read the post you’ll see why I’m flattered in a rather…unique way, you could say.  But I’m glad that the person who wrote it found some value in my book, and I want to address more about it.

Imatotalloser is crammed full of very similar stories.  The details vary but the underlying philosophy behind why the contributors feel that they’re losers is strikingly similar.

First, there’s contempt for themselves because they aren’t contributing anything.  A lot of the posts are just one person after another saying how they can’t seem to get their act together.  Some of them are getting good grades, some aren’t, some are married and wish they weren’t, others aren’t married but wish they were, but they are in the same boat in the sense that they just can’t bring themselves to be productive members of society.

Another thread running through them is a feeling of hopelessness, as though there is no point in wanting anything or working towards anything.

In my view, these two things are inextricably linked.

We all know that we respect people who take action.  They may be the wrong actions but we usually don’t know that until later.  People who do nothing don’t earn respect.  Obviously there is a part of our psyche that knows very well that taking action is something that mentally and emotionally healthy people do.

But who wants to take action when there is no faith that things will turn out the way we want?  And if there’s no faith that things will turn out the way we want, then why would we bother doing something in the first place?  This goes back to the entire reason why I wrote The Right Question in the first place – the fact is, it’s pointless to wait until we want to take action.  Because if our lives aren’t working, it’s going to be a very, very long wait.

Instead, ask The Right Question, spend a minute or two on the answer, and you’ll never post to a site like that again.

I’m a Self-Help Traitor (pt. III)

“TAKE MASSIVE ACTION!” says the guy at the front of the room.  “BABY STEPS ARE FOR SISSIES!”

If I had a nickel for every time I’ve heard or read a self-help guru tell me that I need to take massive action to realize my goals, I’d have even more nickels than I do now.  A lot more.

Now, because I’ve made a lot of nickels ignoring most self help authors’ advice, I thought other people might like to hear about a different way of approaching their lives.

Here’s the thing:  As I said in my previous post, when it comes to taking action, the advice that you should take massive action is not only hard to define, it’s meaningless.

Let’s say you’re driving an older car.  It needs a little lovin’.  Lately your lights have been flickering, and a website you’ve read suggests that your alternator isn’t as healthy as it used to be.

Now if finally one day it gives out as you’re cruising down the interstate, do you need to take massive action to fix it?  What would that look like, anyway?  Would it mean that you immediately charter a helicopter to whisk you to your destination as a dealership replaces the entire car?

Obviously this isn’t practical.  And to be fair, I also understand that this isn’t what self-help gurus are talking about.  But the problem is, neither are they clear on what they do mean.  Well, I am.  And here’s what I’d do:

Take appropriate action.

If you don’t have much money, you assess what resources you do have.  Maybe you’re not much of a mechanic either.  But now you have a problem that can’t be solved by hiring someone to come and help you, because you can’t afford it.  Use the tools that you’ve got.  You immediately put the Law of Attraction into effect by visualizing a positive outcome to the situation, whatever might be best for you in the long term (not the short term).  You find out where you can get a replacement alternator for as cheap as possible.  If you don’t have internet access you go to a library if you need to, to learn how to replace it.  You scrounge whatever tools you have or can borrow, and you change the alternator.  This whole process is going to take some time.

Massive action?  To some people, maybe it is.  I’d say it’s appropriate, though.

One criteria I would advise you to always use is to make sure your philosophies are scalable.  What I mean is, if it’s good for situation A, then use it on situation B.  Don’t let your ethics and motivation be dictated by the mood you’re in.  If “massive action” means “appropriate action”, meaning that it’s appropriate to the problem in order to get it solved, then great.  Otherwise, don’t confuse the two.

It’s tempting to get all fired up and assume you’re going to be a millionaire overnight if you “take massive action”.  But you need to figure out what that means, because otherwise it’s too easy to assume that the action you really are taking just isn’t massive enough.  This tripped me up for years because I didn’t understand it properly.  I’d take what I thought was “massive action”, and I didn’t understand that you have to just climb the steps as they come.  I’d sit down to take appropriate action on a project and get discouraged because a little voice inside me would insist that my actions weren’t massive enough.  But an airplane on its way up to 30,000 feet has to pass through every single foot of air before that to get there.

You can’t cross a chasm in two small jumps, so don’t be afraid to take a big step where you have to.  But keep it in perspective.

The most effective approach is to discover and decide in advance how successful you’re going to be by examining your answer to The Right Question, and you can’t go wrong.

Six Self-Help Myths that are Killing Your Success

After over twenty years of reading self help books, listening to tapes and podcasts and programs and watching videos until my eyes bled, I can tell you that the same old saws keep popping up in self help.  And not a single one of them does what it’s supposed to.

I’m unimpressed, to say the least, with the fact that self help took my money for years and at the end of it I was every bit as broke as I was when I started.  I had a library of materials that basically all said the same things, each author ripping off the one before.

So I turned my back on all of it and started using only the things I myself had learned along the way, and my fortunes turned around almost immediately.  In the process of earning my wealth I became a self help traitor, someone who is angry about the amount of time and money wasted by self help authors trying to get rich selling the same old crap everyone else has since Orison Swett Marden, another man who meant well but was just as irrelevant then as Tony Robbins is now.

I want to change all that.  I mean every word I say.  I’ve written a book that explores why self help and success lit is utter crap, and what you need to do instead.  You don’t have to want it, you don’t have to set goals, you don’t have to use the law of attraction, you don’t have to do anything except ask the right question and act on the answer.

Here is a list of my six favorite b.s. lines from the endless well of self help blather.

1)  “You’ve Got to Want It” (also known as “Find Your Passion”)

We’ve all heard many stories of success that basically fell into the lap of people who happened to come up with a new product, or who were in the right place at the right time to get the inside track on an investment of one kind or another.  Wanting it is great but it isn’t necessary – sometimes, it never came into the equation at all.  Not turning away from success is vital, but it isn’t the same thing as wanting it.

How many people in your dream career fell into it after their initial plan just didn’t pan out?  I can’t count the number of people I’ve met in life who are “living the dream” – they own beach bars, are realtors in tropical paradises, have fascinating positions in research or academia – who had no idea their life would even take them there, yet they’re successful by anyone’s definition.  They’re happy, they have rewarding lives, and they’re doing something financially rewarding that they enjoy.  Human wants are too fickle and mercurial to expect them to take you anywhere meaningful.  I’d use your wants for material goods, and when it comes to pursuing fulfilling spiritual or emotional quests such as a rewarding and rich marriage or family life, don’t even let that be a “want” – make it a “must”.  But you don’t need money for that.

There are lots of youtube videos from successful people (see shows such as “How I Made my Millions” in which the entrepreneurs describe how success just arrived at their door one day, more often than not from a completely unexpected quarter.  Tony Horton of P90X fame had a passion for acting, not bodybuilding or fitness training.  It was that passion for acting that led him to get himself in good physical shape so that he could secure more roles, and then one day, he happened to make a fitness video.  It’s true that if you do what you love, the money will follow, but you have to know a good thing when you see it.

2)  “Set Goals”

Am I insane, telling you that setting goals is killing your success?  Well, think of this:  How many times have you set a goal, only to never achieve it?  And each time that has happened, you’ve died a little more inside.  Having dreams and goals is important, but not in the way we think.  I’ve already said that our wants change too quickly to rely on them to lead us anywhere meaningful, and goals are often the same way.  I encourage you to set goals, absolutely, but not the way self help lit commonly tells you.

Goals are indeed useful tools.  Yes, you should word them in the present tense, in the positive, use them with emotionally-charged affirmations, all that stuff.  It’s all good.  But I’ve found not only from my own life but from those of successful people that a “goal” to us consists mostly of little more than a Very Clear Idea of what we want to do.  Your average millionaire simply doesn’t have time to plot and plan every single accomplishment, because there are too many out there to pursue.

Have a clear idea of what you want, and recognize when you’re both on and off track towards it.  Know how you’re going to measure your progress, decide which corrections you’re going to make, and play the game as the ref blows the whistle.  Often just having a goal of being in the game is enough to win.  Ask those who have ended up on top simply because nobody else bothered to show up.

3)  “The power of ‘why’ ”

Trying to find out why is taking valuable time and energy away from actually doing the work that will make you a success.  Knowing why you aren’t getting off the couch isn’t necessarily going to change a thing.  Trying to figure out why you overeat or spend all your money only gives you more information about why you’re doing things wrong.  But you want to know how you’re going to do things right, and it doesn’t necessarily follow that the opposite of what you’ve done in the past is going to give you the result you want.  We all know why rehab clinics exist – it’s because people keep putting chemicals into their body that they know are harmful.  Okay great, now what?  We need more than “why” to get and keep us in the life we want.

4)  “Visualize your outcome”

Firstly, this annoys me because it’s grammatically incorrect to begin with.  It should read, “Visualize your desired outcome”, but that’s a little nitpicky.  Is this the right time to mention that ‘overwhelm’ is not a noun?

Anyway, self help gurus take a lot of time telling you to visualize how great your life is going to be once your goal is realized.  But that’s completely redundant.

If I’m standing in the back yard with a shovel about to dig the hole where the pond will be for a beautifully-landscaped water feature, I don’t need help visualizing how great it’ll be once it’s done.  I already know it’ll be great when it’s done, that’s why I want it.  What I need is something that will actually help me do the work when it’s too hot out, and when my back hurts, and when the goal seems too far away.  I don’t need help visualizing how awesome it’s going to be when I’m cruising in my new Ferrari, I need help getting out of bed when I’m not feeling well to go in for overtime in order to pay for the thing in the first place.  If I’m trying to lose weight, imagining myself slim when I’m not just frustrates the hell out of me and makes me go and eat cake.

I don’t need help imagining myself slim and rich, I already want that because I already know it’s going to be great.  I need help when I’m trying to decide between a soft drink and a glass of water, because that and a thousand other moments just like it are what’s going to determine what I weigh a month from now.

5)  “Use the ‘Law of Attraction’ ”

Basically, this is prayer.  You set your goal, you visualize achieving it, you open yourself to the abundance of the universe, and the universe provides.

The thing about the Law of Attraction isn’t a question of whether it works, but rather the fact that it does.  However, it receives a lot of justifiably bad press because LoA gurus for the most partly simply don’t understand that the hardest thing about using it is knowing when it has been made manifest in your life.  In this respect most people are abject failures because they haven’t been told what exactly is at work here and what to look for to know when their prayers are answered.

For a quick, concise, accurate and useful explanation of what the Law of Attraction is and how it works, you can turn to well-written books on the subject such as that by Michael Losier, or even better, read the one-page summation in The Right Question.

6)  “Take Massive Action”

What he heck does that even mean?  I kick you out the door and say, “Go get ‘em, tiger!  Take massive action!” and you turn around and say “Well, okay.”  “NO,” I scream, “MASSIVE action!  Think BIG!” and you sound more and more confident each time I scream at you, and then finally you turn around and say, “But what exactly do I do?”  And that’s a darn fine question.

It’s all well and good to say “Take massive action”, but it’s meaningless.  ‘Massive’ is too subjective of a word to be of any use, and ‘action’ needs to be defined.  This is exactly the kind of phrase that gets my blood boiling when it comes to self help and success lit, because it sounds like it has a lot of weight and meaning, but when you ask the person saying it what they’re talking about, the best you’ll get is an answer about how you just need to work harder and longer and ‘smarter’.

You need to act in accordance with where you are now versus where you want to be.  That’s what you need to do.  Ask any dog who has dug under a fence if taking ‘massive’ action would have helped him get any more free than the actions he did take.  Short of renting a backhoe, the dog just simply did what he needed to do to get under the fence, and now he’s off enjoying his day.

He may or may not have been using self help techniques as they’re described above.  He may have been taking ‘massive’ action, or you could say he took ‘appropriate’ action.  Both those words are subjective and therefore not helpful.  He might have kept in mind ‘why’ he wanted to keep digging, and kept his goal in sight, but when his paws started hurting and he got thirsty there was only one question he was answering, I’ll guarantee it.

If you want to dig yourself under that fence and get free, you have to do the same thing.

Self help focuses on a lot of concepts that seem like common sense.  At first blush, all these things sound perfectly logical.  But the way they’re presented in self help lit all too often ignores the most basic, fundamental approaches to using them – and it doesn’t provide the answer you need when you’re trying to get yourself to actually do the work that’s going to determine your future, both deciding and discovering in advance how successful you’re going to be.

Only answering The Right Question will help you do that.

The Annoying Internet

There’s something that has begun to really annoy me about the internet over the last year.  I would like social marketing gurus to take note, because I’m going to give them a free idea here to make them richer, their clients richer, and me less annoyed.  We’ll all win.

I really love the internet.  The potential for it to change humanity for the better is truly unlimited.  It allows us to connect with one another and share in ways we never could have imagined, that were impossible twenty or sometimes even ten years ago, and it has changed the world forever.  Like television, however, it can either be used to educate and elevate us, or to satisfy baser desires or watch cute cat videos all day long.  Not that there’s anything wrong with either.  Personally, when the day is ending I like to grab some wine and sit out on the patio and listen to the surf as the sun sets while I see what the rest of the world thinks is important that day.

But here’s the thing:  Too often when I visit a site, I read for a few seconds and then my reverie is interrupted by a lightbox that comes out of nowhere asking if I want to sign up for a newsletter.  I’ve been contentedly reading a website’s article about this or that, getting into it, or at least scanning the page, and my concentration is shattered by a marketing ploy.

I have never asked for an email address from any of my website visitors, ever.  And because of this, I’ve been told straight up by marketers that I’m missing out on a tremendous amount of business.  I’ve read tons of statistics that back them up, but I don’t think I’m missing much.

Now, I understand everybody else has gotta eat lunch too.  I have the kind of life many of them are working towards, and I fully sympathize with the drive to make money.  But when you think about how much time each of us has in the day, and then think about the number of websites trolling for you to sign up to a newsletter, the math doesn’t add up.  I spend about 6 hours a day working at most, and that includes reading newsletters, tending to business, and so on.  I also read newsletters about expatriate living, fitness, aviation, science and tech, and so on, and beginning with this article I’m going to share my thoughts on more than just self improvement and the psychology of money.

So, internet marketers, here’s what I propose.

What I need is the reassurance that I’m not going to be interrupted by a signup lightbox.  And if I am, I can click one button and one button only that will automatically enter my email address into a service database that will compile all the other newsletters I’m subscribed to, and deliver them at the same time all in one email.  It will say which websites it’s from, so I know I’m not missing any, and I can read them all at once.  Each newsletter in that compilation will have an unsubscribe link.

If I visit a site with a signup lightbox that I’ve already clicked ‘No thanks’ to, there will be a cookie that will remember that and not nag me again.  I’d be perfectly happy with a static box in a sidebar that said, ‘We’re sad you didn’t want to sign up last time, but you’re missing out on a great upcoming article!’ or some such thing.  I’d think that’s perfectly game.  But to let me read an article for thirty seconds and then shove a signup box in my face usually makes me hit the ‘back’ button.  ‘Like what you read?’ it’ll ask, and my answer out loud is, ‘Well I was reading this newspaper until the waiter shoved the bill right under my nose’, because that’s what it feels like.

I have faith in human innovation, compassion, technology and desire for improvement.There is a better way.  There is always a better way.

Download The Right Question and find out what it is.