Yet another of life’s many ironies is that we all want to be happy, whatever that means to us, yet many of us secretly resent those who already are.
Maybe it’s because we feel they’ve discovered a secret we don’t know, or maybe we assume they have already ‘made it’ when we’re still struggling, or maybe we just think they need to be taken down a notch. Maybe we think (or know) that their happiness isn’t the result of anything we did, and let’s face it, we all like to be the reason someone smiles. If they’re happy whether we’re around or not, perhaps it means they don’t need us, and that might be an uncomfortable realization.
Regardless of what we tell ourselves, there is one thing behind it, and it’s easy to define. Therefore it’s easy to deal with it, and when people envy you for your happiness you’ll know what’s really going on.
One of the distinguishing characteristics of happy people is the absence of its corollaries. Think about what happy people aren’t – they aren’t angry, they aren’t worried, and they aren’t afraid, regardless of the state of their health or finances. And when you think about how nervous and unhappy many people are, this comes into closer focus.
The absence of worry or fear indicates that something’s going on in that person under the surface that we’re all working towards. It tells us that this person has confidence and self control. No matter what may happen, this person knows that they’re able to roll with it.
Inwardly, many people who appear happy are fighting the same battles anyone else is. They have bills to pay too. They’ve got medical issues, family troubles, they’re recovering from heartbreak or some setback or other, just like you are. But they aren’t letting it bring them down, and that indicates that they’re drawing on some resources that are available to you too.
People don’t like happy people because often we interpret happiness as self control and confidence, and the presence of a concomitant threat that happy people could control others too, even though a truly happy person has no need to control others at all. That degree of confidence inspires jealousy.
To those who don’t experience happiness much or often, there’s somewhat of a mystery to it. But it’s easy to explain.
Happiness isn’t just the absence of worry or fear. Actually, it has more to do with being immersed in the moment than anything else. Think about the times in your life when you were happiest. The moments you felt the most joy. I can guarantee that they are moments when you were just letting yourself feel what was wonderful about the situation you were in. You were on a date with somebody wonderful, or you were feeling the ocean breeze on a long-awaited vacation, or you were watching your child or spouse or good friend do well and celebrating with them. Maybe you were just inhaling the fragrance of a flower. Whatever it was, that moment is what everyone’s chasing after. That’s happiness.
It’s only elusive if you allow fear and worry to seep in, but it isn’t the opposite of those things. It’s what replaces them when they’re gone, but it isn’t the other side of that coin. Happiness is something of its own, and it will gladly come to you as well.
To experience happiness, first remind yourself that you’re not in charge of the world’s problems. No one person is. Celebrate when those you love succeed. This way you’ll join them in that feeling instead of letting it drive a wedge between you.
It’s difficult to learn how to drive worry and fear away, but it can be done and the rewards are astounding. You’ll still have bills to pay and problems to overcome, but one key difference is that this time you will be in a more resourceful state of mind, able to deal with your problems so much better.
You see, happiness isn’t just a nice warm glow. It puts us in a state where we are acting from a position of power because we aren’t being dictated to by negative emotions. It allows us to enjoy being powerful, and to associate with powerful people who won’t feel as though we just seek their company to gain something.
Happiness is not only a wonderful feeling, it’s an essential tool for dealing with adversity. So don’t hate happy people. Help the world out by being one of them.
Ask the Question every morning, before every task, before everything you do, and you’ll never go wrong.